Category Archives: Poetry

The way

I sense a way forward

barely intuited

amidst the clinging brambles of life.

I’ve been a good girl

creating a good religion

but  each question answered

multiplied into more questions

until I spin

confusedly on a merry-go-round.

But when I began to run

wildly searching for the way

I tripped upon a hidden root

and fell headlong into the mud.

Soiling my fastidious clothing

I breathed a sigh of relief

as an aroma of freedom

tantalizes my sodden nostrils.

I see the faintest of deer trails

through the thicket

away from the groomed path

but it could be a dead end.

Here I stand

one foot on the trail

the other on the path

conscious that I may have to get muddier

before I can feel clean.

Is the key to  freedom risking everything to experience grace?

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The Jump

I have not yet dared

to fall headlong

into the mysterious pool

of his grace.

I stand high

on the arched bridge

squinting to judge

the depths below

But I cannot be sure

how deep it goes

and so I wait

first putting one foot

then the other

uncertainly over the edge

dangling them

as if to convince

those passing by

that I am indeed going to jump.

But when they pass

I withdraw my feet

and cling once more

to the safety of the railing.

 

 

The Jacket

What will it cost me

to feed your ravenous loneliness

to be the balm on your raw isolation

caused by your double identity?

You’ve wedged yourself in a space

created by two concentric worlds

escape is a powerless prayer.

I opened a door

and you bounded through

exploding in the relief of freedom.

But the door scraped against my wounds

Blood oozes

from the cross-section

of history and experience

it spirals into a wild current

sucking me down to its thick red depths

where I can no longer hear my name.

When you withdrew

carelessly banging the door shut

you left something behind.

The coat that concealed your loneliness

lies crumpled over my wounds

but it cannot not staunch the flow

it only continues to absorb

my life blood

until we congeal together.

It is mine, now;

I cannot give it back.

Blood fire

The first hint of warmth

crackles along my skin

curling smoke

like a Siren’s incense

begins to tickle my nostrils.

You tease it up

the licking flames

move under my skin

And I am inextricably drawn

toward the hungry heat.

It burns

burning descends down

taking its bittersweet fingers

to the hidden places.

You

You are a fire in my blood

I fear to be consumed

left with dust and ash

like winter’s deadening breath

spreading over my soul.

But the fire’s intensity

devours my fear

ushering me

into a strange place.

When it passes

fading into memory

the smell

pungent in my nostrils

I open my eyes

to see the vivid green

of a new world.

The fire destroyed the old

and now

I cannot go back to the mild pastures

of my lackluster control.

Cocooned

She can still see

cocooned

images passing

behind an opaque glass.

Muffled sounds

she reacts

a character in a different story;

she cannot touch

cannot feel

she is wrapped in the tight weave

a soft loneliness

that touches her body

yet leaves her soul

in silence.

She struggles to break free

a fight born of instinct

and not of passion

but the flexible walls

are indomitable.

Limp

she rests

a tentative isolation

encircling her.

Resigned

she waits

listening

to the glittering sounds of  life.

Transformation

is elusive

She cannot turn herself

into a butterfly.

The Stories

What happens 
to the stories of those
who are no more

Do they vanish into blankness
like an old book
in a dusty library?

In the silence
I hear their groans and laughter
their weeping and joy

Memories that are not mine
murmur like ghostly echoes
on my mind's horizon

The possibilities, the failures
the successes and defeats
cry out for rememberance

But we like senseless beasts
pass through the present
from pleasure to pleasure

The stories live on
untold pulsing hearts
faintly beating their life's song

Outside time's borders
vigilantly sheltered  
by the one who wrote them.

Senses of Something

You

Senses of something
just beyond
the seen;
Mystery.

How comforting
it is to keep you
imprisoned
in the neatly arranged
room of my mind
Everything in its place
No strewn socks 
No unlabeled jar

But then she talks
so confidently
"This is what this means,"
she says.
"This is how you do it."
How can she be so sure
and not be trembling
in some secret place
that she could be wrong?

Restlessness
Unease
my soul fluttering
like a quiet moth
near the light

I go to the room
knock on the door
silence
I peek in
the room is spotless
no shadow of dust
I go in and sit on the couch
wait
wait 
wait
the decor
its neat gaudiness
familiar
as if I have seen it before
as if I have been here before
perfect in form
it weighs on me
a surprising burden

I want to leave
I go to the door
but it is locked
I scream and shout
bang and plead
but no one comes.

I sit back down
and look once more
and I remember
this is my room
my safety 
my refuge
now my prison.

You
were never here.


She, Me

It is invisible
but smothering
Cobwebs wisps
perceptible
in a wayward sunbeam
confine
like silver shackles.
They pull
in two directions
my soul
writhing in discomfort
of opposing forces.

A woman is powerful,
one says
by her sexuality
she can dominate
and control
through her skin
stapled to the billboards
painted on the magazines
written indelibly
upon the communal subconscious.
She must
match
the pictures
to be feminine
to be a woman.

A woman is powerful,
another says
through her submissiveness.
She can serve
in meekness
woven into her
floral dresses
and tinkling laughter.
She must love
crafts and pink
all things sweet.
She must be
the ideal
to be feminine
to be a woman.

Am I free?
Is freedom perception
or reality?
I appear free
but am bound.
Can I appear
unfeminine
but be free?

The struggle
like a thousand parading models
like a hundred god-fearing women
march across my body.
I gasp
for air
and I find it
briefly
and then
it is gone.
But those moments
are enough
to be feminine
to be a woman
to be myself.

She waits

She waits

on the edges

always on the edges

feigning indifference

but eyes reveal

a muffled hope

even after a broken life

of small things and poverty

of children taken away

of days of sitting in the grimy dark

of a ramshackle house

of a husband’s violent hand

of a life petering out in its youth

even so

she waits

to be noticed

to be invited in

to be wanted

to be special

to be important.

Her prayers are simple

childlike

pouring out the pain

of her stolen children.

And yet I can see

compassion incarnate

stroking her roughened cheek

touching her greasy hair

gazing at her tentative toothless  smile

her gaudy, ill-fitting clothes

He knows what could have been

He knows what is now

and so

the Great Inviter

beckons her

into a new future.

Passion

Deep beneath

the edging of consciousness

simmers

flashes of passion

Fleetingly baring

their wondrous heads

in haunting music

in mountains’ splendid embrace

in words of poetry

that allude to the depth;

Artfully chosen

they can draw the curtain

just for a moment

and you are left

with the gasp of rapture

warm on your lips.

Passion so hidden

goes numb

in the blankness of constant noise

endless screens

the next excitement

screaming for your attention

It is only in the days of fidgety silence

that your senses are sanded down

so that their form is once more visible

in the polished marble

and they can be

what they were supposed to be

even tainted with the world’s sadness

they can hear the fiery song

the Ultimate muse

wooing his creation

back under his wings.